Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
