Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
