Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize