Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
