how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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