I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
