i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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