theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
