dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
