I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
