Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
