omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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