The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
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he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
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Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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