it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
