I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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