Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
love makes seman taste better
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
