they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
