So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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