id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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