He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
