Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
