Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
