his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I think people are normalizing furries
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
