I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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