I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
And then the night went full on bisexual.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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