That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
