In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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