i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Randomize
