69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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