Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
