every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm passing your future prison.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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