I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
