This is not my ceiling
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
