I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
