Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
