it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
