I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize