Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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