i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
