did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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