I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
