well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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