Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
