I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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