No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
