u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
