You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
