come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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