The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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