is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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