its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
