I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
