thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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