There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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