seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Buhtt sex?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
