He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
