You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
