I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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