there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
