A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
