I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
