I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
