she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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