im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
