Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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