I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
