I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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