it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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