The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
