So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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