this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
