either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
