Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Terrible idea I love it
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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