road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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