You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
