"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
